20岁

假设我能活到80岁

今天就算是已走过了人生的四分之一

20岁以前 

有欢乐 也有遗憾  但我觉得充实 没有后悔

20 岁以前

曾经被誉为名列前茅的好学生

也曾经被指去参加学校的学习加强班

曾经经常有上台获奖的机会

也曾经在众目睽睽之下在台上跌倒

埋怨过自己生长的环境

也理解到若生在不同的环境 我也不是今天的我

梦想过去剑桥念医科

然后到新国大走了化学工程师的路

曾经以为朋友会一直都在

后来也发现什么事都需要用心经营

曾经是个很叛逆的孩子

现在开始学习体谅 学习孝顺

曾经觉得自己会是个很好的女朋友

后来也发现自己根本不是很懂爱情是怎么一回事

曾经觉得自己是个好人

后来发现凡事都先为他人着想原来很难

20岁以前

认识了三几个知己好友

只到过三个国家

曾经很渴望当个独中生  然后当成了

曾很突然地到新加坡当个看起来很厉害的奖学金得主

曾在上课时找藉口溜出教室去玩

曾经顶撞过老师

为了到有下雪的国家留学努力过  也失败过

谈过一次很简单的恋爱

追求过一段没得到的爱情

还没有经历过真正的失败

也没有过什么特别大的成就

我人生的前20年 就是这样

不期望接下来的几个20年一切顺利

只希望自己能坦然面对一些欢笑与泪水

Release of results - Year 1 Sem 1

The results were really surprising.
I was expecting something within the second-lower class range and it turned out way better than expected. I did not set a target too high for myself, considering that I was actually either watching drama or complaining about life on Blogger when others were busy studying. But it is not that I did not study at all. I did put in effort, but it's just not good enough for me to get these grades.

Ok, I made it sound like I have gotten CAP 5.0. Haha...for those who are curious, it is just somewhere second-upper. As I have said, my aim for this semester wasn't too high, and so I am very happy with the results and I have been really very lucky.

Most probably I won't be as lucky next sem. Shall stop complaining about life and study hard!

旅途中的小秘密

password

到另一个世界转一圈回来了

回到这个穿短袖拖鞋出门可能还会觉得热的世界
回到facebook
回到熟悉的环境

在中国待了十天
刚好在第十天感冒了
所以也没有后悔机票订得早


杭州苏州都很美
上海很繁华
南京只去了南审附近的郊区  没有特别喜欢


很喜欢杭州
可能是因为很喜欢西湖
看了那么多年高楼大厦
看见浙大跟苏大校园里
有湖有桥有落叶
就很羡慕


打了三场比赛
比赛前一天都是三点之后才睡
表现怎么样我真的不知道

其实我挺矛盾的
前两场下来大家说我打得不错
我就在心里气说怎么对我期望那么低 明明没有很好
最后一场大家没说什么
然后自己就很难过

不过重点还是
很感激苏大浙大南审的热情
大家都玩得挺开心的

还要不要辩论这个问题
改天再说吧

学期结束 旅途开始

一个学期就这样匆匆结束了

十个小时后我会出现在中国杭州

很期待

更多的是紧张

想好好的去玩

但被三场比赛绑着

这将会是怎么样的十天呢？

假期愉快！=D

04/12/12

一个朋友知道我明天考试

很搞笑地问了句  需要帮忙么

他说 我帮他太多 他不知道可以帮我什么

可以明白他的感受

我最近也一直都在跟人说谢谢

不知什么时候开始 成了一直受人恩惠的那个

曾经很自以为是地认为自己很强

总是不喜欢别人帮自己做什么事

长大一点

渐渐发现很多事情自己已经力不从心

所以当听见  ‘Never mind, I teach you!'， 'Don't worry, it's ok.' 的时候

都会很感激

很想要为这些人做些什么

今天很生气

有个人让我一个人坐在那里等了将近一个小时

然后告诉我他不来了

走回那个很冷的Library

决定不生气

明天

就是明天

我要考完试了！

Where's my phone?

今天竟然把手机留在图书馆

也不知怎么就忘了拿

还好有好心人后来还给我

看见那个自己一直很欣赏的人那么用心帮忙
会连坏事都觉得是件好事 =P

Special thanks to Khai Hoe and Wai Kit for being there when I said I lost my phone

and also Jerwei for helping me to contact the 'Edward'.

I love those people who always take appropriate actions no matter how messy the situation is. You guys made things so easy for me. Thank you!

Post-exam plans

Had always been looking forward to the end of finals. But now when I come to think of all those things that I need to do after next wednesday, I seriously would rather stay in this exam period forever. =P

So during the two days after my last paper, I have to clear my room, prepare for debate competitions, prepare marketing proposals, get a blazer for myself and go out to play! Haha! Actually it is not 'a lot' of things, but would be quite time-consuming I guess. Lol...then I will be in China, like finally.
I always said I wanted to visit my sis in Shanghai and I can finally make it now. Hope everything will be great!

I am totally in holiday mood already. Time passes really quickly in uni and I haven't been seeing zw, yc, jp and xj for half a year. Really didn't expect myself to miss them so much!


Just some random updates.
Good night!

Lkk,your facebook name!

Your NJ roommate's name :)

喜欢这句话

“既来之，则安之”

1st day of Final exam

2 papers down, 3 more to go.

As usual, I won't talk about how I did. :P


I am really grateful to have so many great friends around me.
Thank you Ly for always sharing all the important tips with me.
Thank you Jw, Cy, Cs, Ky for always reserving seats in the library for us.
Thank you everyone for being patient and helpful whenever I have doubts.


Time to sleep. Good night! =P

看星谈心

多年以后

应该会很想念那个看星谈心的夜晚

就像现在

经常都会想念那些一起疯狂的日子

Thank you ZW and YC for the postcards

hope you two are coping well with winter and having fun in the UK!

see you girls half a year later!

=)

Good Day

突然想去海边

哈哈

一直都只会想去玩

之前相处才四个月的同事

还会经常关心我生活得怎么样

突然觉得我认识的人都好好

=)

Freshmen Welfare Meeting

我承认是自己没做好

刚刚开会的时候才会那么无地自容

Proposal没出来

Marketing Team 只有我一个人出席

被问到我们的proposal怎么样了

我是能说大概出来了

事实是还没开始

是这学期的最后一次开会

VP问我们觉得进度怎么样

darren说marketing有点慢

我没有怪他

是事实

我们不是慢

而是什么都没做

sponsors 没找到

什么都没有

不过还是谢谢darren

愿意帮忙我们这个很不知如何是好的marketing

怎么越大就越觉得自己没用？

有些事情

觉得自己处理好了

但经常又还是不够好

很无耻地收下了那份礼物

很无耻地说了句不用客气

很无耻地若无其事撒了个谎

哈

我是多么的无耻

两情若是长久时

又岂在朝朝暮暮

给LDR的所有人

=）

一个人

一个人醒来  在一个人的房间里

一个人吃早餐

一个人等巴士

一个人走进教室  一个人走出来

一个人回到一个人的房间里

我就这样一个人 

度过这一天

习惯醒来会看见wanying, yeeching, zhuangwen

后来又习惯跟zhangyue说早安晚安

习惯看着joping吃cereal 看xiaojun吃豆花

也习惯  在某个晚上

zhuangwen会突然闯进我房间

聊着聊着半个晚上就过去

怎么习惯了之后  一切又变了

NTU应该也下雨吧

英国今天下雨吗？

低分的标准

Presentation结束之后 就完全不想读书

只好上来这里乱写

偶尔会挺难受的

我看起来就那么烂吗？

我知道自己的成绩就不是在NUS top 5%的那种

但也不至于要听到这些评价吧

一个成绩很好的Senior

没领什么奖学金

那天聊天的时候

无意间就说了句

"看，我不是scholar，很穷

每次想到自己没有得ASEAN

然后想到你

我就觉得，oh my god!"

大家应该理解这句话的意思吧

意思就是在说

“连你都有奖学金，我为什么没有”

IT1005成绩发了下来

满分50  我得了45

一个同届的Singapore Scholar 得了44

被他知道我得了45

马上就说了句

“芷欣都比我高分，我真是惨了”

难道我就是个低分的标准码？

这两次

我都笑着带过了

我也不是个很谦虚的人

所以很难接受

可能在这里

成绩真的不特别好

但还是有那一点点的尊严

跟自己说

做好自己就行

不需要理别人怎么想

对吧？

Angry!

Thank you for saying that "Zhi Xin also got higher than me, then I jialat ady."

I know you are smart, academically, but do think before you speak ok?

Yes I was angry! ><

1st Presentation

I have finally finished my first ever presentation in university and this also marks the end of IT1005(a programming module) lab sessions. It was just a very small and not very formal presentation, but we did spent quite a lot of time on it. Thank you Jiwon, Jolene and Valerie for being AWESOME groupmates and JiaXiang for being such a good tutor.

The presentations by the other groups were really impressive. My group came out with an animation of a cake, plus some music with it.

Here's our cake! The flame should be moving la...

(Jane is our lecturer (Dr Steven)'s daughter. He asked us to plot a 2D cake for her daughter's birthday during one of the quizes.)

There was this group who came out with calanders (really nice calander) for different months and years. It is like you key in the year you want and Matlab (the programming software that we are using) will return you the calander with the days of each date.
Besides that, they even came out with a function to give the electronic configurations and also the ionisation energies for different elements!


Ok maybe these are boring for non-science people. But this is my life as I am on my way to be a chemical engineer.

岁月的痕迹

原来我曾经长这个样子

哈哈哈哈

要勇敢坦诚地接受自己的过去

每天照镜子

都不会发觉到自己一天一天变老

拍这照片的时候

心里在想些什么呢？

与巧克力共度的晚上

辩论队一个很老很老的学长结婚了

带了点小礼物回来

其实我连他名字都不知道

不过还是有拿礼物的份

很精致的小盒子

里边装着两颗Ferrero Rocher

真的很美

所以就放上来给大家看一下

那礼物很美

所以不舍得吃

结果

还是Cadbury陪了我一晚上

周末愉快!

来日方长

周三晚上对我来说就是个周末的晚上

在pps点来点去

无意间点开了这么一部电影

《遗忘》

林心如跟李铭顺的组合

看起来就有点怪

但开了 也看完了

挺不现实的剧情

但我也没什么资格对里面的爱情故事评价什么

毕竟我依然不懂爱情

看完之后一直想着当中的一句话

意思大概是这样

“没去那些地方

是不是因为我们总觉得来日方长”

我们经常没去做些想做的事

是不是就因为

我们总觉得

来日方长

坏人

今天感觉很奇怪

总做些没顾虑他人感受的事

一天内出了几个意想不到的状况

感觉自己很幸福

但却又觉得内疚

打了一个小时的羽球

让自己暂时什么都不去想

也许我就是个不那么好的人

如果我做了什么让人难过的事

对不起

Bla Bla Bla

Is it that when guys reach a certain age

then they will start to enjoy showing off themselves?

They will talk about how well they are doing in studies

how they didn't study and got an A

how their superiors have to give them face

how great the things they are doing are

how busy they are with some very important stuff

etc etc.

So to be polite,

I will say things like

'whoa, not bad' 

or 'wow, that's great'

then these people may actually think that I am interested in listening to those crap

and continue to show off to me

I do feel disgusted by all these

给自己

感谢十五岁的自己

那个坚强理智的自己

所以二十岁的自己

也不可以放弃

“难过的时候

就用泪水洗掉委屈”

然后好好长大

不可以对不起

十五岁的自己

也不想对不起

三十岁的自己

更不愿意对不起

那些

曾经帮助自己变得更好的人

Hi!

竟然突然想念这两个有事没事都酸我的人

我是个变态

The Crazy Girl

I met a crazy girl today

She went for a lecture today

feeling sleepy five minutes after the lecture started

and was having a runny nose

so 50 minutes later

when the lecturer gave the 2-hour lecture a break

she just grabbed all her stuff and left

she boarded a bus

went back to her hostel

and slept for two hours

This girl is planning to skip more lectures from next week onwards

and she is telling herself that

we shouldn't force ourselves to do anything that we do not like

such as attending lectures when we do not feeling like doing so.

The girl is lost and lonely

she doesn't know what to do in life

she needs a hug sometimes

在这宁静的凌晨两点三十五分

每个星期都会为自己找一个跑步的晚上

其实主要也不是为了健康什么的

只是想找个藉口

逃避一下现实

很庆幸

总有三两个朋友

愿意一起用跑的用走的度过那一个小时

当几个人闲着没事做

或是有事却不想做

然后聚在一起的时候

就开始聊些有的没的

然后今晚就让我突然发现

身边的每个人

不管是开朗的

忧郁的

幽默的

还是严肃的那个

大家都有自己的故事

一些没有人明白的故事

所以也许

我们应该学习接受

经历过不同故事

然后出现在我们周围的

每一个不同的人

Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween!

感恩那小小的事

IT1005 Quiz 2 终于考完了

现在先不说考得怎么样

成绩出来自然会知道

今天可以放松一点点

Jiwon没去上Gem Lecture

原本以为会像平时那样两点中在Techno Edge一起吃午餐

上完lecture在等巴士的时候

Jiwon告诉我她吃过了

还好巴士一直都没来

我又跑回去找在Utown吃的得胜

走进那food court的时候

得胜刚好走出来

我告诉他jiwon今天没跟我吃饭

然后他就走回进去陪我吃

吃完后

他开玩笑似地说

‘平时跟jiwon吃，然后我一个人吃

jiwon不得空才跟我一起吃

当我是backup啊’

让我感觉蛮内疚的

内疚的同时

也感到一点点幸福

还好这个朋友还在

然后他就说我下次一定要在他面前

跟jiwon说要跟得胜一起吃

听到这个

我就突然间不内疚了

甚至谢谢也省了

因为是朋友

所以可以这样

当你找不到人才来找我

我也会理你的

因为是朋友

虽然我没有说谢谢

但是还是很感恩

那一刻

有朋友在

好像很夸张

就一顿午餐而已

可是要知道

当肚子很饿的时候

又没有人一起吃饭

是很可怜的

所以如果有个人

虽然吃饱了

还愿意坐在那里看你吃

对当时的我来说

是件很让人感动的事

感觉难受的时候

昨天无意间link到了一个人的blog

是NUS的学生

一边看就一边哭

其实很久很久没哭了

这几个星期

再怎么累 再怎么迷茫

我都没哭

看了她今年在blog上写的每一篇

我竟然就哭了

还把放在面前的IT1005notes 弄湿了一小部分

不是因为什么感人的文章

他写的都是自己的生活

是因为我能够完完全全地了解她那种感受

那种不喜欢自己现在的生活

但又不能离开

离开了不知道能怎么办的感受

去年看了Jasmine Yeo的故事

看她怎么在来了新加坡之后开始陷入忧郁

之后再到澳洲生活

那时候我就告诉自己

再怎么压力

也不能变成那样

因为我没有那个资本

考不好我就完蛋

环境让我没有那个条件

可以不开心了就换个环境重新开始

哭完了我决定让自己出去玩一个晚上

玩完了我继续做project，复习作业

因为我很清楚

自己永远听不见

‘读不到就回来’那种话

不应该听见的

听见的话我会觉得自己很没用

要放弃现在是不可能的

至少我没有那样疯狂的勇气

所以请原谅我这段时间经常在这里埋怨

埋怨之后

我都有在继续努力生活

相信总有一天我会看到未来

昨晚做project到很晚

得胜在Facebook上找我说了几句废话

因为实在很累

没说几句我就把那对话匆匆结束了

我记得我们以前不常见面

但经常聊天

反而现在在同一个校园

拿着同样的一个module

我们却很久都没聊过什么

大家都忙

没办法

今天天气很热

买了罐Sparkling Juice

以前在华中很喜欢跟ZW, YC, WY一起买来喝

It's Saturday!

Spent the whole morning on Infusion audition. It was tiring but fun. I personally think that it was not bad, though not perfect. But the seniors who came to watch seemed to be quite unhappy with our performance. It is reasonable as people always expect more from their own country's people. There is definitely a lot of room for improvement, so jia you everyone! :)

I am quite sorry that I did not put up a happy face and was very quiet for the whole morning. I wasn't very unhappy actually. I just felt a little left out sometimes. One thing that bothered me was that some of us were planning to go out tonight. Jw actually asked if I could go. I said I couldn't cauz there is a test on Tuesday. Then she went around asking other people. So I actually felt sad that she didn't bother to ask me one more time. Haha...I know this is lame, but I really felt a little bit down just because of that.

Sorry for the over-sensitiveness. It is partly because I do feel lonely most of the time here. The one that I trusted the most in NUS just kinda betrayed me, or I should say I just found out that he treats me more as a competitor rather than a friend.....


Ok I shall stop. Why is it that every time I write everything will somehow turns emotional? Lol...


Have a good weekend everyone! =)

德辩选拔结果

德辩选拔结果出来了

好突然

还以为会等一个星期

所以德辩还真不是我有资格参加的

虽然说

本来就没有期望会被选上

但是面对自己落选的事实

还真是有点失望

也很想知道原因是什么

无论如何

结果就是没被选上

这两天心情的起伏好大

希望身体还承担得起

最后

祝德辩代表队伍加油！

忙碌的周末要开始了！

现在特别想对一个人说

你 让 我 很 失 望！！！

Do Nothing

There is a test on coming Tuesday, but since tomorrow is a public holiday, I just feel like doing nothing at all tonight. haha...going for jogging later.

So a lot of people are going back Malaysia during this long weekend. I actually planned to go and my mum even bought the return ticket from Triang already. But suddenly there is Infusion audition on Saturday, then debate training as usual on Friday, so I am still stuck here.


Talking about the test on Tuesday, IT1005 is like the worst module ever. Maybe I am just not a programming person. I actually enjoy reading CN1111, and I don't mind studying for Maths, Financial Accounting and Understanding Uncertainty are also quite interesting. Just IT1005, everything about programming just makes me feel like dying. And there is a IT1005 project due week 13. *crying*



This horrible week is finally almost over. Yeah! Just another random post since I really don't feel like doing anything.

选拔结束

因为今天要参加德辩选拔
所以这几天都在用中文写



所以选拔终于结束了
自恋的我还挺满意自己的表现的
虽然结辩的时候卡了两下


参选大部分是Year 2以上的
所以其实也没有期望会被选上啦
就只是把这当做一次练习

没有自己想象中的糟糕
刚刚还被一个学姐小小地称赞了句：“打得不错！”
所以有点小小的安慰


这周要解决的5件事:
1.Proposal for Coop
2.德辩选拔
3.IT1005 Lab Assignment
4.ACC1002x project discussion
5.Infusion Audition
6.IT1005 mini project


4 more to go.
Stay strong and happy! :)

可不可以不勇敢

在等着有人告诉我

我不需要那么勇敢

但现在还是要先继续勇敢

为等下的德辩选拔加油！

craving for nice food

突然很想吃sushi

每次压力一大就会变猪

早安！

会好的

感谢自己算是蛮积极地过着这一天

明天也会很好

困惑啊！

我一直在想，我要的到底是什么，为什么会那么厌倦读书，是真的讨厌读书讨厌到爆的那种。可是不读书我要做什么？我这一辈子会的就只有读书，现在才发现了自己其实也不算很会读，突然不知道该怎么办，很可悲吧。

一直问自己First Class Honour 到底是要干什么的。没有First Class Honour 是不是就是就很失败，会不会就被看不起？不是的话那我要花四年那么辛苦那么努力就为了First Class这两个字干什么？可能我真的需要很高的CAP让我找份好工作，但是我又不想当Engineer，成绩好不好有什么关系？但我读Engineering不做Engineer我要做什么？人家说可以去Finance，但那些人简直是一天24小时他们工作36小时的。你一定会想说，像我这么懒的人干脆什么都不做，发霉死了就算了对吧？


但想我这样不怎么厉害但还是为了那一点点的尊严活着的人，真的不想堕落到随随便便平平淡淡过一生。所以我到底要做什么？

今天一直下雨，一直很emo


明天又是星期一。。。

梦想

年纪越大

越觉得梦想离现实很远

Out of so many things, I choose to blog first!

So so so many things to do. Honestly, I am lost and scared and feeling really useless.

ACC1002X case project due mid-Nov. I am actually reading Nike financial report for 2012 and the only thing I know is that they earn a lot of money every year.

IT1005 project due week 13. This is going to be fun, at least I hope it will be. Still have no idea on what kind of 'animation' thing to do. I suck at programming, seriously.

Welfare Diary Cover Design Competition. We were supposed to look for sponsors for the prizes for the competition. Apparently, we have nothing now. So going back to last year's plan, Co-op voucher. We could have done better. :( still, we are coming out with proposal to ask for discounts from Co-op.
Then another big thing to do is to find sponsors for the diary itself and freshmen gift. I have totally no idea on how to approach the companies. And this makes me feel terribly useless! I am more like learning rather than working in the committee.

The most urgent one is the debate 选拔。I actually signed up to go for 德辩, quite crazy right? I am expecting myself to be eliminated during the selection, but it is just not right to go on that day and talk crap right? So I am really really going to put in my best to prepare the two topics, so that I won't have any reason to tell myself any kind of stupid things like 'you could have done better' at the end of the day.


Btw, introducing my new friend, a really cute Korean girl......

LEE JI WON

ok..that's all for now.

Jiayou for myself and for everyone! :)

Another post for today

This is an emo post.


It's disappointing because I actually trusted this friend a lot.

We have known each other for so many years and I really thought we were good friends. I just can't accept what he had done to me. Ok, it is not that he did something that harmed me. It is more like he did not help when he knew that he could. Haha, it's ok if you do not understand this.


For the past one or two weeks, I had been asking myself whether to find out the truth, and I didn't. I believed in his explanation and told myself that it was really because he couldn't help. But out of curiosity, a few minutes ago, I went to check and it turned out that he was actually lying. Sorry, I am not being a good friend as well, for not really trusting him...


So what is this? We are competing against each other here? Or it is like finally there was a chance to beat me so he did it?
I am fine, I am not angry. I am just sad and disappointed and suddenly feeling a little lonely here.


Got to get back to study! Bye!

Just some updates about my life

I realise when I am free, I don't blog, I write only when life is busy. Haha...


Yup, my life is really busy nowadays though I am also not very sure about what I am busy with. My timetable is quite slack as compared to the others and I do have a lot of time for myself. I am interested in anything other than those related to studies. I would go jogging, playing basketball, outing or doing any other random things in the world rather than sitting in front of my desk. And that's why, since 2 weeks ago, I am lagging behind in all the modules.
My result is bad. For IT1005 quiz 1, my score was 65 while the median was 66. It was my first test in uni, and it was so badly done. For the rest of the modules, I am actually hoping that the results will never come out. I am too afraid to face the reality.


Moving on to CCA. I am back to Chinese Debate. The Nus Chinese Debate Team has been so achieving and that makes me feel kinda pressured. Can I ever perform up to that standard? Still, this CCA is one of the few things that make my life a little bit more meaningful.

Then I am in the NUSSU Freshmen Welfare Committee, Marketing team. Marketing is something that I totally have no idea about so this is a really great learning opportunity. This is also why, I decided to join, though I actually applied to be a treasurer, and I was really lucky to be selected to join. But I think the marketing team is not very motivated. Maybe it is because we all have no idea about how things should be done. Anyway, the proposal for the diary cover design competition should be done by this week. Knowing that today is Thursday and we are still very lost in our proposal, actually woke me up this morning.

There is one more CCA called BP Mentoring. What we do is basically teaching primary school kids on Saturday. Most of them are really cute but I realise I can't really communicate with kids. Haha..I can't understand what they are talking about especially when they come and tell me some 'interesting' things in their life. It is time to call out the child in myself. (this sounds quite weird har...lol) anyway, hope everything will be fine for the coming session and hope everyone will be happy.


During the nights when I don't feel like doing any work, I jog around Nus, just to keep myself away from all the mess in life. Now I understand why zhuangwen liked jogging so much, and I have also started to love jogging (doing any kind of sports actually) now. :)
Uni is not bad right? At least I can choose to do what I like to do.
It is tiring, but this also reminds me that I am still alive.




Still looking for my goal in life!

还是朋友吗？

是应该松一口气的  

但怎么却觉得更难受  

一整晚睡不着觉

我没想到自己会那么在乎

很多年前就开始听到这个名字

那时  就只知道这是个很厉害的人

没想到  今天我们之间会发生这样的事

他是个多么优秀多么善良的人

我甚至觉得自己不值得拥有这样让他对我好的机会

一整天下来

感觉像是失去了什么

多么希望回到我们刚认识的时候

又回到这里了

从开学到现在，发生的事情很多。原本熟悉的人都不在了，又出现了很多原本完全陌生的人。
我记得一开始还算可以接受NUS这样一个环境，那是还没开学的时候，但现在已经开始感觉到强烈的痛苦了。不是想抱怨，只是又发现自己总是不喜欢面对考试要到了，要读书了这个现实。
重点还是，妆玟玉卿去了UK, Joping Xiaojun 在NTU。其实我一直都在努力适应这些人不在我身边的新加坡生活。说真的，很难适应，然后其实原来自己也不是很能面对那种‘突然间真的不知到下次见面是什么时候’这种情况。所以根本就不敢给YC,ZW打电话。不过当然，真的很希望她们都能好好享受自己的大学生活，偶尔回忆一下我们之前一起做的一些白痴无聊的事情就好。
然后，我又回到辩论的世界了。问我真的那么喜欢辩论吗，我不能给一个肯定的答案。但今天新生赛结束以后，我发现参与这个活动，才让我的大学生活比较有意义一点。可能是只要不是考试的东西我都会感兴趣，可能是我喜欢感受自己站在台上。
还有好多好多复杂的问题在这忙碌的生活中无意间出现，现在脑力有限，这些问题暂时就不去想了，想也解决不了。正在很努力地找着一个不关事，又了解情况的人。:)

其实还好，虽然每天都很累，但是有努力地活着的感觉。

Just some random thoughts

In one month time, I will be back to Singapore, this place where I had tried so hard to escape from since 4 years ago. For some unknown reasons, I am afraid of starting uni. It is definitely not because I am going to a foreign country, or I will be leaving my friends here and bla..I had been living there for four years, what is there to be afraid of?
It's disappointing having to accept the fact that I am going to NUS and not some other colleges in some far far away countries. There was a day when I lied on the sofa for one whole morning, and crying, and then I started applying for accommodation and student pass, looking for orientation camps to participate in, drafting a timetable in my head and trying to figure out when I am going to bring two huge luggages onto a train to Singapore. I am meeting some new people, learning new things, starting a new life and maybe becoming another me. Everything will be great.

I don't know what else to write and I still can't explain to you what I am afraid of. Everything will be great or at least, be fine. Here I come again, Singapore!

Last day at work

最后一天上班 很奇怪的感觉
不是难过 也应该不算不舍
工作的这四个月就这样结束
这段回忆挺美的

不至于熟悉到那种难舍难分的地步
但也庆幸自己曾遇过这么一群
也许自己这辈子都再也见不着的人 

遗憾来不及跟所有同事道别
好奇下星期会不会有人惊讶地问
芷欣辞职了?!
哈哈
也好奇为何今天有些该来的没来



 我要回去继续当个学生了! :)

Before Uni starts

想在上大学前完成的事：

1）去旅行，不管哪里，就是要拖着行李箱去的那种

2）去见见我很久没见的朱老师，还有她的皓皓

3）去逛没去过的pasar malam, 一整晚

4）见见即将要去UK 的ZW & YC

5）跟JP & XJ 去Universal Studio

我要上大学了！

虽然去的不是我最想去的地方

虽然我痛恨这样的结果

但是我相信我会让自己好好享受

就像四年前我也痛恨自己身在的环境

但四年后离开时

也有很多回忆

值得留恋

不知道是不是因为太久没上课

开始觉得生活太无聊

也让自己有了太多胡思乱想的时间

总觉得自己越来越不像原本的那样

根本搞不清楚自己在做些什么

从前为自己定下的原则竟然都没有了

一直觉得自己是个蛮理智的人

才知道  在一些事情面前

就算知道自己的做法很不理智

我也会说服自己说

不大胆尝试怎么知道结果如何

我是不是真的能够
不在乎天场地久
只在乎曾经拥有

Email

It was always something to be happy about when I check my email inbox and saw nothing new from teachers or CCA. An email would most likely mean more work to do more things to settle. I hated checking email.

For the past few days, the first thing I did after turning off my alarm in the morning was checking my mailbox. And whenever there is wifi available, I would check on my phone every now and then to see whether any new email come in. I remember I was so excited when I saw notification about new emails this morning then I felt the disappointment when those were not the emails I was waiting for.

Yes I am getting worried. My results were satisfying (I guess) but when almost all my friends who applied for the same course as me have received their offers, I am still staring blindly at my phone screen. I checked through everything and nothing was wrong and YES I have submitted the application fee.

Okay since you know and I know there is nothing that I can do now so I will just wait and check my mailbox.

All the best to everyone who are applying for unis and/or scholarships.


And btw, I am having fun at work.

Haha...a short thank you speech

I am really thankful for everything that happened in these few days, especially when knowing that there was a bunch of people who were happy for me, from their hearts．

'I was so happy for you when I saw your name on the screen.' These words from a friend's mouth was more touching than knowing that you have gotten the results you want.

Congratulations to all those who are happy with their results and hope everyone will stay positive and continue to strive for excellence in life.

And thank you JP, your mum and sis for hosting me for my 3 days in Singapore.

10~11 让我开心的小小的事

1. 午餐能吃到‘菜饭’摊的荷包蛋
2. 在班上答对了老师的问题
3. 学校宣布Half day
4. CAFÉ 的小孩子全到
5. 跟Ms Chong 讲话不被她骂
6. 走在宿舍后面的住宅区吃冰淇淋
7. 吃晚餐时大家坐满一张桌子
8. 早餐可以吃炒饭/米粉
9. 周四的宵夜是donut
10. SP 骂我没塞衣服然后没有记我名
11. 体育节
12. 可以一躺下就睡着
13. 可以睡到自然醒
14. 王鹤儒切水果给张越吃
15. 在公园荡秋千
16. 一个人在街上走
17. Break curfew 没有被骂
18. 找到Movie Night 能播的DVD
19. 清洁安娣跟我讲早安
20.   洗衣机及烘干机正常操作
21. 跟大家在一起

Happy CNY

I love this long Chinese New Year holiday

We get to stay at home for as long as we want

Zw and Yc do not have to worry about the air tickets to go back Singapore

Daniel gets to go back Miri

and everyone gets to enjoy more of the Chinese New Year songs for at least more than one week

Anyway I will miss eating Yusheng with 10SH23

the CNY celebration in school

and of course the Angpao from Jp's mum

Still, I enjoy being home now! 

Happy CNY!

有时候

我觉得自己是幸福的

但是在更多的时候

我却讨厌这种幸福的感觉

让我在其他时候

感觉特别不幸福