Sorry

I am really sorry for what i said. I forgot about how you might feel when i suddenly talked about that and i sounded so happy. I am sorry...

i am lost

I didn’t do anything wrong and I apologised. Then, I was scolded for apologising. When I asked you guys for opinions or at least to know more about the situation, you told me you don’t know. I know you can just live your own life and not to care about anything. I understand that you might be annoyed by my calls. But do you think that I would love to call you everyday to hear thousands of “I don’t know” from you? I am just hoping for a time when you will tell me that you know something.

Do you even know what family means? Or maybe you just do not have one.

I guess so.

Yes, I am angry. And I am confused. I called you to talk and you told me I didn’t have to tell you anything. After that you are angry at me for not calling you. Then I called you almost every day and  you did not want to pick up the phone. I sent you a message and said sorry. It made you angrier. Am I an alien or something? I really did not know that sorry can make human beings angry. Do you know that everyone is unhappy just because of you? If you guys think that I am the one to be blamed, please tell me and let me know whether I should continue to call and expect no answer from the other side like an idiot. I am really lost.

something's wrong

If you ask me, how I have been, I would say that I am quite fine. I’m comfortable with my timetable, the distance from my room to the school and most importantly, my bed. But, still, I feel that something is wrong.

I have never been talking to mum since Chinese New Year. Sometimes I hope I would be in the hostel forever so that I don’t have to think of going home and facing whatever that is happening in my family. Anyway, I will be on my journey home at 4.45am on Sunday morning.

I start to forget about people’s birthdays. I do not have some of my friends’ contacts in my new phone. I open and delete smses I receive without reading them or I read and forget to reply. I used to enjoy talking to a friend but now I don’t know what to talk to him.

I sit in the classroom or the lecture theatre looking at the board or screen and my mind goes blank. I stare at my assignment questions not knowing what to write. I feel stupid.

Sometimes I feel hungry but having food inside my mouth does not make me feel better. Yesterday, I realised I could not see clearly with my right eye but it is working quite well today. I did not understand how people would have headache and now, it comes to me.

I am afraid that I won’t be able to achieve what I want and I give up even before I try to know more about it. I had never dreamt of death but a few weeks ago I dreamt that I was dying and a few days ago I dreamt that someone closed to me (in the dream) died.

So, what’s wrong?

I don’t know. And it is 1.23am now. I better go to sleep. I used to be on the bed by 11pm.

Good night.

变

我以前习惯七点到校，现在我七点起床

我以前不明白为何有些人坐在课室里也能睡着，现在不明白为何有些人可以控制睡意

我以前不坐在食堂吃饭，现在我会问人为何不吃

我以前让头发盖着前额，现在喜欢把刘海往上夹

我以前发简讯喜欢用“haha”，现在觉得“hehe”或“lol”也许会比较好

我以前常希望有机会吃泡面，现在吃着泡面会问自己有没有别的可以吃

我以前的脸上一片光滑，现在希望有些什么东西可以把脸磨平

我以前认为一个人出门是大忌，现在发现不会有人跟你的空闲时间一模一样

我以前以为世界上有钱人不多，现在我随便丢一颗石头就会击中一打认为钱能解决的问题都不

是问题的人

我以前害怕独自身处一个空间，现在期待一个在地上打滚也没人会理我的时刻

我以前爱说话，现在觉得聆听也是种乐趣

我以前觉得一千块大得可以把我压死，现在觉得一万块做不了什么

我以前有着远大的梦想，现在觉得平平凡凡应该会更好

我以前相信“天下无难事”，现在觉得难事比任何东西要多好几倍

我以前向往十八岁，现在想知道“十八岁了又怎样”的答案

我以前因为我是我而庆幸，现在恨不得一切重来

我比较喜欢以前的我。

大家常说，人会变，而我清楚地看见了自己在各方面的巨大改变，至少我觉得，是巨大的。

我忘了这些改变什么时候发生，也忘了是什么导致这些变化

我依然享受现在的生活

虽然有时对自己的新作风新想法感到惊讶

但那还是我   周芷欣

还是那个要证明给自己看“我是真的坚强”的周芷欣

我相信

OG20

I think it was during one of the first few days of our orientation. We were asked to come out with an OG cheer.

What happened next?

SILENCE……..

Since no one wanted to contribute, one of our OGLs (delphine I think), suggested a cheer. “Everyone would be shouting ‘TWENTY-TWENTY-TWENTY-TWENTY × n (n→∞)’ together.” And we had no choice but to use this cheer as none of us had a better idea. Then we added something to it. After the TWENTY × n, there would be a short pause; the whole group would then shout the last TWENTY. So the whole cheer was just 2020202020202020202020202-TWENTY! It was like the lousiest cheer as compared to those of the other OGs which were so organised and meaningful and whatever.

But somehow, it is this TWENTY-TWENTY thingy that is keeping us together.

A wonderful OG.

Don't really know what I am writing.....

but it's my blog...

who cares....haha

Happy Birthday Shao Wei!