感恩那小小的事

IT1005 Quiz 2 终于考完了

现在先不说考得怎么样

成绩出来自然会知道

今天可以放松一点点

Jiwon没去上Gem Lecture

原本以为会像平时那样两点中在Techno Edge一起吃午餐

上完lecture在等巴士的时候

Jiwon告诉我她吃过了

还好巴士一直都没来

我又跑回去找在Utown吃的得胜

走进那food court的时候

得胜刚好走出来

我告诉他jiwon今天没跟我吃饭

然后他就走回进去陪我吃

吃完后

他开玩笑似地说

‘平时跟jiwon吃，然后我一个人吃

jiwon不得空才跟我一起吃

当我是backup啊’

让我感觉蛮内疚的

内疚的同时

也感到一点点幸福

还好这个朋友还在

然后他就说我下次一定要在他面前

跟jiwon说要跟得胜一起吃

听到这个

我就突然间不内疚了

甚至谢谢也省了

因为是朋友

所以可以这样

当你找不到人才来找我

我也会理你的

因为是朋友

虽然我没有说谢谢

但是还是很感恩

那一刻

有朋友在

好像很夸张

就一顿午餐而已

可是要知道

当肚子很饿的时候

又没有人一起吃饭

是很可怜的

所以如果有个人

虽然吃饱了

还愿意坐在那里看你吃

对当时的我来说

是件很让人感动的事

感觉难受的时候

昨天无意间link到了一个人的blog

是NUS的学生

一边看就一边哭

其实很久很久没哭了

这几个星期

再怎么累 再怎么迷茫

我都没哭

看了她今年在blog上写的每一篇

我竟然就哭了

还把放在面前的IT1005notes 弄湿了一小部分

不是因为什么感人的文章

他写的都是自己的生活

是因为我能够完完全全地了解她那种感受

那种不喜欢自己现在的生活

但又不能离开

离开了不知道能怎么办的感受

去年看了Jasmine Yeo的故事

看她怎么在来了新加坡之后开始陷入忧郁

之后再到澳洲生活

那时候我就告诉自己

再怎么压力

也不能变成那样

因为我没有那个资本

考不好我就完蛋

环境让我没有那个条件

可以不开心了就换个环境重新开始

哭完了我决定让自己出去玩一个晚上

玩完了我继续做project，复习作业

因为我很清楚

自己永远听不见

‘读不到就回来’那种话

不应该听见的

听见的话我会觉得自己很没用

要放弃现在是不可能的

至少我没有那样疯狂的勇气

所以请原谅我这段时间经常在这里埋怨

埋怨之后

我都有在继续努力生活

相信总有一天我会看到未来

昨晚做project到很晚

得胜在Facebook上找我说了几句废话

因为实在很累

没说几句我就把那对话匆匆结束了

我记得我们以前不常见面

但经常聊天

反而现在在同一个校园

拿着同样的一个module

我们却很久都没聊过什么

大家都忙

没办法

今天天气很热

买了罐Sparkling Juice

以前在华中很喜欢跟ZW, YC, WY一起买来喝

It's Saturday!

Spent the whole morning on Infusion audition. It was tiring but fun. I personally think that it was not bad, though not perfect. But the seniors who came to watch seemed to be quite unhappy with our performance. It is reasonable as people always expect more from their own country's people. There is definitely a lot of room for improvement, so jia you everyone! :)

I am quite sorry that I did not put up a happy face and was very quiet for the whole morning. I wasn't very unhappy actually. I just felt a little left out sometimes. One thing that bothered me was that some of us were planning to go out tonight. Jw actually asked if I could go. I said I couldn't cauz there is a test on Tuesday. Then she went around asking other people. So I actually felt sad that she didn't bother to ask me one more time. Haha...I know this is lame, but I really felt a little bit down just because of that.

Sorry for the over-sensitiveness. It is partly because I do feel lonely most of the time here. The one that I trusted the most in NUS just kinda betrayed me, or I should say I just found out that he treats me more as a competitor rather than a friend.....


Ok I shall stop. Why is it that every time I write everything will somehow turns emotional? Lol...


Have a good weekend everyone! =)

德辩选拔结果

德辩选拔结果出来了

好突然

还以为会等一个星期

所以德辩还真不是我有资格参加的

虽然说

本来就没有期望会被选上

但是面对自己落选的事实

还真是有点失望

也很想知道原因是什么

无论如何

结果就是没被选上

这两天心情的起伏好大

希望身体还承担得起

最后

祝德辩代表队伍加油！

忙碌的周末要开始了！

现在特别想对一个人说

你 让 我 很 失 望！！！

Do Nothing

There is a test on coming Tuesday, but since tomorrow is a public holiday, I just feel like doing nothing at all tonight. haha...going for jogging later.

So a lot of people are going back Malaysia during this long weekend. I actually planned to go and my mum even bought the return ticket from Triang already. But suddenly there is Infusion audition on Saturday, then debate training as usual on Friday, so I am still stuck here.


Talking about the test on Tuesday, IT1005 is like the worst module ever. Maybe I am just not a programming person. I actually enjoy reading CN1111, and I don't mind studying for Maths, Financial Accounting and Understanding Uncertainty are also quite interesting. Just IT1005, everything about programming just makes me feel like dying. And there is a IT1005 project due week 13. *crying*



This horrible week is finally almost over. Yeah! Just another random post since I really don't feel like doing anything.

选拔结束

因为今天要参加德辩选拔
所以这几天都在用中文写



所以选拔终于结束了
自恋的我还挺满意自己的表现的
虽然结辩的时候卡了两下


参选大部分是Year 2以上的
所以其实也没有期望会被选上啦
就只是把这当做一次练习

没有自己想象中的糟糕
刚刚还被一个学姐小小地称赞了句：“打得不错！”
所以有点小小的安慰


这周要解决的5件事:
1.Proposal for Coop
2.德辩选拔
3.IT1005 Lab Assignment
4.ACC1002x project discussion
5.Infusion Audition
6.IT1005 mini project


4 more to go.
Stay strong and happy! :)

可不可以不勇敢

在等着有人告诉我

我不需要那么勇敢

但现在还是要先继续勇敢

为等下的德辩选拔加油！

craving for nice food

突然很想吃sushi

每次压力一大就会变猪

早安！

会好的

感谢自己算是蛮积极地过着这一天

明天也会很好

困惑啊！

我一直在想，我要的到底是什么，为什么会那么厌倦读书，是真的讨厌读书讨厌到爆的那种。可是不读书我要做什么？我这一辈子会的就只有读书，现在才发现了自己其实也不算很会读，突然不知道该怎么办，很可悲吧。

一直问自己First Class Honour 到底是要干什么的。没有First Class Honour 是不是就是就很失败，会不会就被看不起？不是的话那我要花四年那么辛苦那么努力就为了First Class这两个字干什么？可能我真的需要很高的CAP让我找份好工作，但是我又不想当Engineer，成绩好不好有什么关系？但我读Engineering不做Engineer我要做什么？人家说可以去Finance，但那些人简直是一天24小时他们工作36小时的。你一定会想说，像我这么懒的人干脆什么都不做，发霉死了就算了对吧？


但想我这样不怎么厉害但还是为了那一点点的尊严活着的人，真的不想堕落到随随便便平平淡淡过一生。所以我到底要做什么？

今天一直下雨，一直很emo


明天又是星期一。。。

梦想

年纪越大

越觉得梦想离现实很远

Out of so many things, I choose to blog first!

So so so many things to do. Honestly, I am lost and scared and feeling really useless.

ACC1002X case project due mid-Nov. I am actually reading Nike financial report for 2012 and the only thing I know is that they earn a lot of money every year.

IT1005 project due week 13. This is going to be fun, at least I hope it will be. Still have no idea on what kind of 'animation' thing to do. I suck at programming, seriously.

Welfare Diary Cover Design Competition. We were supposed to look for sponsors for the prizes for the competition. Apparently, we have nothing now. So going back to last year's plan, Co-op voucher. We could have done better. :( still, we are coming out with proposal to ask for discounts from Co-op.
Then another big thing to do is to find sponsors for the diary itself and freshmen gift. I have totally no idea on how to approach the companies. And this makes me feel terribly useless! I am more like learning rather than working in the committee.

The most urgent one is the debate 选拔。I actually signed up to go for 德辩, quite crazy right? I am expecting myself to be eliminated during the selection, but it is just not right to go on that day and talk crap right? So I am really really going to put in my best to prepare the two topics, so that I won't have any reason to tell myself any kind of stupid things like 'you could have done better' at the end of the day.


Btw, introducing my new friend, a really cute Korean girl......

LEE JI WON

ok..that's all for now.

Jiayou for myself and for everyone! :)

Another post for today

This is an emo post.


It's disappointing because I actually trusted this friend a lot.

We have known each other for so many years and I really thought we were good friends. I just can't accept what he had done to me. Ok, it is not that he did something that harmed me. It is more like he did not help when he knew that he could. Haha, it's ok if you do not understand this.


For the past one or two weeks, I had been asking myself whether to find out the truth, and I didn't. I believed in his explanation and told myself that it was really because he couldn't help. But out of curiosity, a few minutes ago, I went to check and it turned out that he was actually lying. Sorry, I am not being a good friend as well, for not really trusting him...


So what is this? We are competing against each other here? Or it is like finally there was a chance to beat me so he did it?
I am fine, I am not angry. I am just sad and disappointed and suddenly feeling a little lonely here.


Got to get back to study! Bye!

Just some updates about my life

I realise when I am free, I don't blog, I write only when life is busy. Haha...


Yup, my life is really busy nowadays though I am also not very sure about what I am busy with. My timetable is quite slack as compared to the others and I do have a lot of time for myself. I am interested in anything other than those related to studies. I would go jogging, playing basketball, outing or doing any other random things in the world rather than sitting in front of my desk. And that's why, since 2 weeks ago, I am lagging behind in all the modules.
My result is bad. For IT1005 quiz 1, my score was 65 while the median was 66. It was my first test in uni, and it was so badly done. For the rest of the modules, I am actually hoping that the results will never come out. I am too afraid to face the reality.


Moving on to CCA. I am back to Chinese Debate. The Nus Chinese Debate Team has been so achieving and that makes me feel kinda pressured. Can I ever perform up to that standard? Still, this CCA is one of the few things that make my life a little bit more meaningful.

Then I am in the NUSSU Freshmen Welfare Committee, Marketing team. Marketing is something that I totally have no idea about so this is a really great learning opportunity. This is also why, I decided to join, though I actually applied to be a treasurer, and I was really lucky to be selected to join. But I think the marketing team is not very motivated. Maybe it is because we all have no idea about how things should be done. Anyway, the proposal for the diary cover design competition should be done by this week. Knowing that today is Thursday and we are still very lost in our proposal, actually woke me up this morning.

There is one more CCA called BP Mentoring. What we do is basically teaching primary school kids on Saturday. Most of them are really cute but I realise I can't really communicate with kids. Haha..I can't understand what they are talking about especially when they come and tell me some 'interesting' things in their life. It is time to call out the child in myself. (this sounds quite weird har...lol) anyway, hope everything will be fine for the coming session and hope everyone will be happy.


During the nights when I don't feel like doing any work, I jog around Nus, just to keep myself away from all the mess in life. Now I understand why zhuangwen liked jogging so much, and I have also started to love jogging (doing any kind of sports actually) now. :)
Uni is not bad right? At least I can choose to do what I like to do.
It is tiring, but this also reminds me that I am still alive.




Still looking for my goal in life!

还是朋友吗？

是应该松一口气的  

但怎么却觉得更难受  

一整晚睡不着觉

我没想到自己会那么在乎

很多年前就开始听到这个名字

那时  就只知道这是个很厉害的人

没想到  今天我们之间会发生这样的事

他是个多么优秀多么善良的人

我甚至觉得自己不值得拥有这样让他对我好的机会

一整天下来

感觉像是失去了什么

多么希望回到我们刚认识的时候