又回到这里了

从开学到现在，发生的事情很多。原本熟悉的人都不在了，又出现了很多原本完全陌生的人。
我记得一开始还算可以接受NUS这样一个环境，那是还没开学的时候，但现在已经开始感觉到强烈的痛苦了。不是想抱怨，只是又发现自己总是不喜欢面对考试要到了，要读书了这个现实。
重点还是，妆玟玉卿去了UK, Joping Xiaojun 在NTU。其实我一直都在努力适应这些人不在我身边的新加坡生活。说真的，很难适应，然后其实原来自己也不是很能面对那种‘突然间真的不知到下次见面是什么时候’这种情况。所以根本就不敢给YC,ZW打电话。不过当然，真的很希望她们都能好好享受自己的大学生活，偶尔回忆一下我们之前一起做的一些白痴无聊的事情就好。
然后，我又回到辩论的世界了。问我真的那么喜欢辩论吗，我不能给一个肯定的答案。但今天新生赛结束以后，我发现参与这个活动，才让我的大学生活比较有意义一点。可能是只要不是考试的东西我都会感兴趣，可能是我喜欢感受自己站在台上。
还有好多好多复杂的问题在这忙碌的生活中无意间出现，现在脑力有限，这些问题暂时就不去想了，想也解决不了。正在很努力地找着一个不关事，又了解情况的人。:)

其实还好，虽然每天都很累，但是有努力地活着的感觉。

Just some random thoughts

In one month time, I will be back to Singapore, this place where I had tried so hard to escape from since 4 years ago. For some unknown reasons, I am afraid of starting uni. It is definitely not because I am going to a foreign country, or I will be leaving my friends here and bla..I had been living there for four years, what is there to be afraid of?
It's disappointing having to accept the fact that I am going to NUS and not some other colleges in some far far away countries. There was a day when I lied on the sofa for one whole morning, and crying, and then I started applying for accommodation and student pass, looking for orientation camps to participate in, drafting a timetable in my head and trying to figure out when I am going to bring two huge luggages onto a train to Singapore. I am meeting some new people, learning new things, starting a new life and maybe becoming another me. Everything will be great.

I don't know what else to write and I still can't explain to you what I am afraid of. Everything will be great or at least, be fine. Here I come again, Singapore!

Last day at work

最后一天上班 很奇怪的感觉
不是难过 也应该不算不舍
工作的这四个月就这样结束
这段回忆挺美的

不至于熟悉到那种难舍难分的地步
但也庆幸自己曾遇过这么一群
也许自己这辈子都再也见不着的人 

遗憾来不及跟所有同事道别
好奇下星期会不会有人惊讶地问
芷欣辞职了?!
哈哈
也好奇为何今天有些该来的没来



 我要回去继续当个学生了! :)

Before Uni starts

想在上大学前完成的事：

1）去旅行，不管哪里，就是要拖着行李箱去的那种

2）去见见我很久没见的朱老师，还有她的皓皓

3）去逛没去过的pasar malam, 一整晚

4）见见即将要去UK 的ZW & YC

5）跟JP & XJ 去Universal Studio

我要上大学了！

虽然去的不是我最想去的地方

虽然我痛恨这样的结果

但是我相信我会让自己好好享受

就像四年前我也痛恨自己身在的环境

但四年后离开时

也有很多回忆

值得留恋

不知道是不是因为太久没上课

开始觉得生活太无聊

也让自己有了太多胡思乱想的时间

总觉得自己越来越不像原本的那样

根本搞不清楚自己在做些什么

从前为自己定下的原则竟然都没有了

一直觉得自己是个蛮理智的人

才知道  在一些事情面前

就算知道自己的做法很不理智

我也会说服自己说

不大胆尝试怎么知道结果如何

我是不是真的能够
不在乎天场地久
只在乎曾经拥有

Email

It was always something to be happy about when I check my email inbox and saw nothing new from teachers or CCA. An email would most likely mean more work to do more things to settle. I hated checking email.

For the past few days, the first thing I did after turning off my alarm in the morning was checking my mailbox. And whenever there is wifi available, I would check on my phone every now and then to see whether any new email come in. I remember I was so excited when I saw notification about new emails this morning then I felt the disappointment when those were not the emails I was waiting for.

Yes I am getting worried. My results were satisfying (I guess) but when almost all my friends who applied for the same course as me have received their offers, I am still staring blindly at my phone screen. I checked through everything and nothing was wrong and YES I have submitted the application fee.

Okay since you know and I know there is nothing that I can do now so I will just wait and check my mailbox.

All the best to everyone who are applying for unis and/or scholarships.


And btw, I am having fun at work.

Haha...a short thank you speech

I am really thankful for everything that happened in these few days, especially when knowing that there was a bunch of people who were happy for me, from their hearts．

'I was so happy for you when I saw your name on the screen.' These words from a friend's mouth was more touching than knowing that you have gotten the results you want.

Congratulations to all those who are happy with their results and hope everyone will stay positive and continue to strive for excellence in life.

And thank you JP, your mum and sis for hosting me for my 3 days in Singapore.

10~11 让我开心的小小的事

1. 午餐能吃到‘菜饭’摊的荷包蛋
2. 在班上答对了老师的问题
3. 学校宣布Half day
4. CAFÉ 的小孩子全到
5. 跟Ms Chong 讲话不被她骂
6. 走在宿舍后面的住宅区吃冰淇淋
7. 吃晚餐时大家坐满一张桌子
8. 早餐可以吃炒饭/米粉
9. 周四的宵夜是donut
10. SP 骂我没塞衣服然后没有记我名
11. 体育节
12. 可以一躺下就睡着
13. 可以睡到自然醒
14. 王鹤儒切水果给张越吃
15. 在公园荡秋千
16. 一个人在街上走
17. Break curfew 没有被骂
18. 找到Movie Night 能播的DVD
19. 清洁安娣跟我讲早安
20.   洗衣机及烘干机正常操作
21. 跟大家在一起

Happy CNY

I love this long Chinese New Year holiday

We get to stay at home for as long as we want

Zw and Yc do not have to worry about the air tickets to go back Singapore

Daniel gets to go back Miri

and everyone gets to enjoy more of the Chinese New Year songs for at least more than one week

Anyway I will miss eating Yusheng with 10SH23

the CNY celebration in school

and of course the Angpao from Jp's mum

Still, I enjoy being home now! 

Happy CNY!

有时候

我觉得自己是幸福的

但是在更多的时候

我却讨厌这种幸福的感觉

让我在其他时候

感觉特别不幸福

Ok you can laugh at me now

今早起床

我写了封e-mail

内容大致是这样的

Mr Daniel Yew,

This is to inform you that I do not intend to proceed with my application to UK universities.

我看了很久

后来又改了

改成了

May I know if it is too late if I submit my UCAS application in these two days?

下午

我收到的回复是

Yes, you may submit your application within these two days

我感谢今早的自己

没有因为害怕后果

而放弃申请

事情是这样的

UCAS deadline 是15/1

但学校给我们UCAS Application 的截止日期是8/12

那时我就玩啊玩

心想着UK也没scholarships

也不想写Personal Statement

所以就不管了

前两天

一个朋友就说了又劝

劝了又说

搞得我又有点害怕自己后悔

所以就继续申请了

昨晚睡前又想了很久

现在才交应该会被骂死

而且负责老师是Ms Shawna Lim （我很喜欢的一个老师）

可能Testimonial也遭殃

所以为了顾全大局

还是不申请吧

所以我今早写了那封email

其实我现在还在写Personal Statement

这一整天

除了开心

就只有感激

开心

是因为以为被判了死刑

但却被给了个努力的机会

感激

老师的那句虽短却意义重大的回复

也谢谢当时在线跟我分享这喜悦的ZW

回去写Statement 了

不然就白开心一场了

Bye UK

Ok I am a failure

really wanted to go UK

but I am not even applying

When people ask 'why', maybe I will say 'there's no scholarships'

but the real reason is

I missed the school deadline to submit UCAS application

and I am lazy to go through the process of getting scolded for not doing things before the deadline bla bla bla

so bye bye UK...

I googled how to get rid of this

Ok I am a bad person

I am sorry

Really want to write it here

but I CAN'T

because people read this!

Anyway I am still nice for not writing it here

Please go away...

Give me a peaceful christmas

Google doesn't help.

Random

失去了原来从来不属于自己的东西

竟然也会如此难过

Move on, move on....

Morning without the smell of NJ

Woke up in the morning

I thought I would hear someone cutting the grass outside my room

and cleaners cleaning the toilet

When I turn to my right

I would see Zhang Yue's blanket and her Pooh bear

That's how I woke up in weekends' mornings

Then, I opened my eyes

and saw my room at home.

I will never go back to the room 204 anymore.

Happy Holiday everyone!