Why did I let myself believe

miracles could happen

Cause now I have to pretend

that I don't really care

waiting 

那是遗憾的感觉

4月19日 星期二
依然可以深刻地记得这一天发生的每一件小事

6.45am, 手机闹铃响了

很自动地起床

我知道 这不是个平凡的日子

跟室友张越下楼吃早餐

平时都不会有谁加入

这天chengxi, xuejie, xiaodong 都来了

聊着聊着发现除了chengxi 其他的都加过古筝团

chengxi 还对我说：“只有你坚持下来了”

聊着聊着聊到了SYF

就听说古筝今年蛮有机会得Gold With Honours 的

听得我都不知该高兴还是觉得压力

礼貌地谦虚了一下

或是说 其实我也没什么信心

早餐后收拾好东西就上学了

先拿了表演服装到教室挂

教室是空的

离开教室时遇见了方圆

等她把服装也挂好

一起走到parade square

也没留心听集会说了些什么

之后就回到了教室

我那套服装竟然被高高地挂到了窗边

一进教室就感觉挺恐怖地

还是赶快把它挂到椅子边上

第一节是物理课

整堂课都会不自觉地盯着墙上的时钟

一个小时就这样过去

九点了 我们该走了

走之前 joping xiaojun不知从哪变出三包巧克力

还有我更珍爱的一张写得密密麻麻的卡片

她俩各给了我个拥抱 还有声声的加油

我提起书包 带了我的服装鞋子 走到方圆桌旁

Saiful 刚好经过

说了声'good luck for SYF' :)

当然还有zhuangwen, qiyuen, qianying, bernadette

方圆李恰收拾好后

我们就离开了教室

到了CO room 大家把古筝搬到礼堂

下到礼堂的时候

徐老师竟然已经在那等了

还以为她9.30am 才会到

开始了我们最后的练习

该改进的地方老师都再提醒

但这一天大家表现都不太好

10am 老师离开学校

也就是午餐时间到了

我们几个EXCO留下帮每台古筝调音

之后还有个老师请来的tuner先生

10.40am, 发现我们只剩五分钟时间吃饭

赶下去食堂

想吃“菜饭”但队排得很长

只好走到Japanese stall 去打包

之后还买了豆奶

然后赶到CCAR去

我问怎么我们有机会用到CCAR？

Valerie说因为我们是part of the Chinese family

唯一一次觉得Ms Chong 的"CLDDS and Guzheng are one big family" 之说有点道理

可怜我们不能进到CCAR吃饭

只能站在外面边守门边赶快把饭吃完

吃完了之后就赶快换衣服化妆
负责帮大家上blusher
大家都怕被涂得太红
就给大家涂到了还ok的程度
结果都不过关
之后给自己化
到老师面前等approval
Ms Chong 就说了句：“可以，芷欣永远是最乖的。”
害我猜了半天那句话隐藏着什么意思

化妆梳头发弄了很久
还要在头上绑花绑蝴蝶结
弄了整整两个小时
然后穿着高跟鞋把古筝搬到Atrium
只来了一辆bus
没力气走那么远
对那bus driver几乎是用喊的
才问到了原来另一辆bus还在路上
松了口气
如果想彩排时那样一辆bus不见了就糟糕

车都到了
把东西都搬上车 出发了
才发现我已经满头大汗了
还好有人带tissue
那妆真不错
留了那么多汗都没化掉

感觉上大家都没有非常紧张
一路上就在聊天
应该没有人睡觉吧

很快的就到了Republic Poly
好几辆巴士
载着其他学校的学生
就开始留意其他学校的服装
好几间都蛮好看的
有些就有点奇怪

把古筝搬下车
还有好一段时间才轮到我们
登记好之后Ms Chong就开始让我们补妆。。。
之后我们围成个圈
把两首曲子过一遍
反正大家就是边做动作边唱
其他学校的一定觉得我们发了什么神经
不过当天最开心就是这个时候了

时间就这样过了
轮到我们进tuning room
大概检查了确定音都是准的
十分钟后就被赶出来了
出来看见Cafe 的instructor
原来他带的是南洋JC的团
看见他那有点畸形的笑容后跟他微笑点了点头
继续走到后台去
边走就边想
他前一天说生病不能去cafe
肯定是要陪南洋练习！

也管不了那么多了
到了后台
前面是serangoon jc 在表演
chee yong 转过来跟我说：“They are very good eh."
我记得我很激动地回答说：”No! We will be better."
也不知是在跟他讲还是跟自己讲
Xuelu 伸出了拳头说 “Gold With Honours”
我拳头跟她的碰在一起，也说“Gold With Honours"
Kang Yong 时不时就跑来跟大家说加油
Huiqi 也过来打气
Yongru很用力地握了我的手说加油

Serangoon 演完了
她们在排台上的队形
我们边等着
边互相提醒要笑
上台的时候走慢点。。。
该进去了
我向前走了一步
突然听见有人喊我的名字
回过头原来是binghan
他跟我说了上台前我收到的最后一个加油
我用力地点了点头
离开了后台

我一直都在微笑着
从鞠躬到坐下到弹完第一首曲
相信大家也一样
第二首曲一开始
有个人进错了牌子
就那1秒的时间
我全身肌肉突然缩紧了
我知道没有Gold With Honours 了
还是微笑着把曲子弹完
弹完最后一个音
突然发觉到
就这样结束了
一年的练习
多少个睡不着的晚上
从一开始乱七八糟的一群
走到这个时候
就结束了

微笑鞠躬 离开舞台
我一直微笑着
在后台看见徐老师
她也微笑着
笑中带着些无奈
大家都一样吧

出到外边
大家开始说着进错拍子的事
相信没有人不难过的
我还听见了些许愤怒
但我只能告诉大家不要再提了
那同学也不好受

赶紧放好东西
走进 theater 看剩下两件学校的表演
马上就是Nanyang JC 的表演
就是CAFE instructor 带的团
真的很好
很impressive
她们的instructor 竟然在NJ 教JH1s
接着是Tampies JC
我很喜欢他们的服装
但不喜欢他们的表演
动作有点太夸张
没有表情
伴奏竟然奏了主旋律

之后就在等成绩
等了蛮久的
后来评判出来了
讲评基本都是讲些什么
很感动看见新加坡有那么多年轻的同学对古筝那么有热情
轮到司仪宣布成绩了

司仪很可爱
他宣布成绩有两个条例：
1. 不管什么学校得了什么奖，大家都要鼓掌
2. 如果你对你的成绩很满意，可以欢呼，但最多只能叫三声

从古筝1号开始宣布
1到41都是中学组的
Paya Lebar Girls, Nanyang Girls, Sin Min 跟 Serangoon Garden得了Gold With Honours
其他就Gold Silver 还有两个Bronze

古筝42。。。
古筝43。。。
古筝44。。。
古筝45 实龙岗初级学院 Serangoon Junior College 银 Silver
古筝46 国家初级学院 National Junior College 金 Gold
大家尖叫着。。。但只能叫三声
古筝47 南洋初级学院 Nanyang Junior College 金 Gold
大家都愣着，怎么只是Gold?
淡滨尼初级学院 Tampines Junior College 荣誉金 Gold With Honours
大家嘴巴张得更大了，怎么他们会的GOW?

后来大家都很冷静
没有异常兴奋
也没有难过
拍了几张大合照
上巴士 回学校

一路上
大家都很安静
在想些什么呢？
可能是突然觉得空虚吧
SYF 过了  接下来要做些什么呢？
好像突然没了寄托
也可能是不知道应该对这个gold有什么感觉吧
上两届得的都是gold
还好维持了水准
但也不是gold with honours
没有特别值得开心的吧

回到学校
debrief之后
跟其他Exco 去吃burger shack
第一次大家一起走出校门
因为我住宿舍啦

拍了些照片

跟val竟然又order一样的东西
连饮料都一样

吃饱了就回家了
跟Annabel一起搭巴士
在学校下车
走回宿舍

这一天的月亮特别大特别圆

基本上
19/4就结束了吧





成绩一宣布以后
我就有种不知怎么形容的感觉
我没有开心 也没有难过
但总觉得有些什么在我心里不停的穿梭着

我庆幸我们得了Gold
也觉得这是我们应得的
我们没有达到Gold With Honours的水平
所以也没有资格难过
但我们也并没有呈现我们最好的水准
所以有点失望
偶尔会有点希望一切可以重来
我们会更好 我相信

是遗憾吧
遗憾没有尝到Gold With Honours的感觉

I Hate You

I really hate you a lot today
Your inconsiderate comments
You always think that you are funny
You always assume that I will not get irritated by whatever you do
You are always insensitive about the atmosphere
You are selfish
You care more of yourself than anyone else in the world
You don't care about other people's feelings
You tell jokes which are not funny at all
Still, you think that you are well-liked by everyone.

I will not care about whatever you do from today onwards
and I am now going back to my normal school life
I will stay happy and healthy
I will remember that there was once in my life
I cared about someone so much
that I started to hate him sometimes...

It's The End

I would feel much better if you could be more direct
instead of pretending like you were confused
and then tried to find some ways to tell me that I am actually the one who is confused

Yes I was confused
now I even believe that I was blind

It will just end here.

Good night Zhi Xin! Tomorrow will be a great day! :)

Random

I thought I had made a wise decision
Now I realised it was the most stupid thing I have ever done

and it also reminded me that whatever you have said to the others
there will be some days when someone says it to you
is it called karma? haha...



I shall do my Econs work now.

有没有你

这两个礼拜 其实过得还不错
虽然还是有很多问题要解决
很多烦恼要去理清
但我并没有讨厌这两个礼拜的生活

每天起床上学放学CCA吃饭为测验准备睡觉
这样的生活规律
让我发现
其实没有你，我也一样活得好好的

虽然我走在路上时偶尔会想起你
睡前可能会想一想我们现在是怎么样
早上喝着milo的时候会想起原来我不知道你喜欢喝什么

但在上课的时候 不会想到你
跟朋友在一起的时候 也不会特别希望有你的存在
做功课的时候也很少会回忆起我们曾经一起讨论功课

所以即使没有你
我还是可以过得好好的

只是可能有你有更好一些

Easiest way to survive

The easiest way to survive on the earth
is to be someone who shows no emotions
has no preference
and has no comments on anything

so that you don't have to make a choice when your friends are not ok with each other
you won't be a burden of anyone
you won't offend anyone on the earth

Now I understand why a lot of my classmates like to live in their own world
It is a survival skill

They Are Genius!

The Start of My 2011

This is the first post I write in Singapore since school started on 10 Jan.

I think I am getting used to SH2 life and that's why I manage to find some time to write something here

or maybe it's just that the schedule is not so busy for these few days.

The past 1 month has really been a long month

I remember after the first week of school had ended, it was as if one month had passed

CCA, homework and presentation

My sleeping hours decreased from 8 to less than 6 everyday

There was a day when I slept at 3am and almost fainted during PE lesson

Just almost, I didn't faint.

Thank you Annabel, Zw, Qy for 'taking care' of me and Jp for her chocolates :)

The subsequent weeks were slightly better

Tutorials, lectures and CCA as usual

H3 Chemistry lesson had also started

The first few lessons were fun

We were just pushing the electrons here and there

But the Stereochemistry test on 28 Jan was the worst thing ever

We didn't have any notes to study for it

and didn't know what to expect

except for the list of tested topics

So during the 2.5 hr test,

I had attempted all the questions in the first 1 hour

Obviously it was because I didn't know how to answer most of the questions

Then we received the Stereochem notes during the next lesson after the test

Anyway, I think I still enjoy H3 Chem

though I am getting blur in the class which consists of a number of Chem Olympiad students and some of the top students of the school

Don't think I will ever regret taking it. All the best, Chew Zhi Xin! :)

CCA is the one which takes up most of my time

Not because of the practices

but the planning and organising parts

I am going for Cafe programme every week to 'take care' of the JH1 kids

and take turns with my fellow EXCOs to oversee the JH practices

The worst part was planning for Cafe Try-out and CCA Fair

everything was very last minute

I am really glad that they are over

Coming up are recruitment, orientation, SYF, concert and bla bla bla

Ok..everything will be good

The most important thing, my studies

Although I am spending the least time on it after school as compared to other stuff

I still have to see it as the most important part of my life, as a student

so that I won't forget about it

I am always late to hand in Chem homework, since the start of the year

Don't think I am catching up with the class in Math

And can only understand part of those 'Field' Physics topics

My Econs teacher doesn't seem to like me

whenever he ask questions down the row he will just skip me and ask the person next to me

Anyway, there's nothing much I can do

GP, still the same standard

trying to force myself to read newspaper or magazines everyday

but it has not been happening since the day I set this target for myself

Class - I don't know whether I should say the class has become more bonded

or everyone has become excited/aggressive (do not know what word to use)

everyone had a lot of opinions on the class CIP

and everyone (k...some people) was 'fighting' with each other to defend their stands

Perhaps it's a good thing

At least the class no longer cares only about studies

We also care about CIP!

The rough plan for CIP has finally been decided

hope for no objections anymore fights in the future

Welfare Com - There is nothing much I want to talk about it

Perhaps I shouldn't blame anyone for not letting us to organise anything

It's such a failure because I am a failure

So I have changed our name to Movie Night Com

since we can only play movies with Ms Chan (not the school)'s resources

And we all agree that there shouldn't be anymore Welfare Com in NJCBS

Hopefully this year will be a better year

and I will be a nicer person

Ok..that's all

Apparently my summary fails

水灾

每年年尾的时候 总会听说哪里哪里水灾了

几乎每次的反应都大概是 ‘噢，那里水灾噢...'

得知今年柔佛水灾的消息 我的反应必须是 ’HUH? 水灾啊？！OMG！不要再下雨了！'

然后时时刻刻都注意着窗外还有没下雨

甚至还投Chocolate coin 问天我能不能回家过年

几位同学看出我对回家的渴望

也和我一样注意着天气

昨天早上终于看见了太阳

很开心的跑来告诉我说：“芷欣，没下雨了，水应该会退吧，你应该可以回家了吧！”

哈哈。。谢谢啦！

如chocolate coin所言 我回到家了

虽然要很不好意思地去麻烦个跟我也不懂是什么关系的uncle一家

但比留在宿舍过个没气氛的年还好一点吧！

希望火车路赶快修好

让我礼拜天能顺利回新

回来啦！

我又回到现实啦！

首先

这就是我今年的房间

我的房间

左边这一半是我的 右边室友还没回来

我的衣橱

暂时还算整齐的床

考试前我打仗的地方

现在已经够像打仗的了

这就是我接下来一年的窝

室友还是来自陕西的张越

周芷欣，面对现实吧！加油！

生日快乐

18枝蜡烛  18岁

虽然生于92年

但跟一群93年出生的同学久了

过了生日才大了一岁 感觉上舒服一点

不过18岁19岁也都一样

对于生日 似乎再也没有太大的期待

只是希望每年许的愿都能实现

好像是知道自己实力有限

才想指望那一年一个的愿望

对很多事情看开了

对一些事突然特别在乎

不知是不是人老了

看事情角度也不一样

想在生日前完成的事竟然没完成

但也在学着放开了

接下来 只希望18岁踏实顺利就好

冬至

一年下来那么多大日子

最喜欢的就是冬至

它不像新年那么多礼节

也不用特地穿得美美地 

嬉皮笑脸地跟人说新年快乐

也不像中秋节端午节

我只有吃月饼粽子的份

冬至可以在家自己搓汤圆

搓成怎么样也没关系

煮了吃了开心了就算

也不用到处去祝人冬至快乐

这种好日子

一年一次就好

才显珍贵

UEC

The results have been released

I am just feeling weird

Everyone is either very excited or sad over their results

and i am glancing through the facebook wall

'reading' their feelings

It is related to me and not related to me

when a friend shared his joy of getting marvelous results with me

I was and I am so happy as if it is my results

I think i sounded really dumb

you know when you get excited you do not know what to say besides thousands of 'Congrates!'

Then everyone goes on to choose their universities and plan for their future

Then i continue with my holiday assignment

and go to school in uniform for one more year!

I do feel young sometimes :)

算了吧

有个朋友说
一年之后就算了吧
真的要算了吗？

就算了吧！

原谅我语无伦次

I am so afraid that that would be the last gathering