选拔结束

因为今天要参加德辩选拔
所以这几天都在用中文写



所以选拔终于结束了
自恋的我还挺满意自己的表现的
虽然结辩的时候卡了两下


参选大部分是Year 2以上的
所以其实也没有期望会被选上啦
就只是把这当做一次练习

没有自己想象中的糟糕
刚刚还被一个学姐小小地称赞了句：“打得不错！”
所以有点小小的安慰


这周要解决的5件事:
1.Proposal for Coop
2.德辩选拔
3.IT1005 Lab Assignment
4.ACC1002x project discussion
5.Infusion Audition
6.IT1005 mini project


4 more to go.
Stay strong and happy! :)

可不可以不勇敢

在等着有人告诉我

我不需要那么勇敢

但现在还是要先继续勇敢

为等下的德辩选拔加油！

craving for nice food

突然很想吃sushi

每次压力一大就会变猪

早安！

会好的

感谢自己算是蛮积极地过着这一天

明天也会很好

困惑啊！

我一直在想，我要的到底是什么，为什么会那么厌倦读书，是真的讨厌读书讨厌到爆的那种。可是不读书我要做什么？我这一辈子会的就只有读书，现在才发现了自己其实也不算很会读，突然不知道该怎么办，很可悲吧。

一直问自己First Class Honour 到底是要干什么的。没有First Class Honour 是不是就是就很失败，会不会就被看不起？不是的话那我要花四年那么辛苦那么努力就为了First Class这两个字干什么？可能我真的需要很高的CAP让我找份好工作，但是我又不想当Engineer，成绩好不好有什么关系？但我读Engineering不做Engineer我要做什么？人家说可以去Finance，但那些人简直是一天24小时他们工作36小时的。你一定会想说，像我这么懒的人干脆什么都不做，发霉死了就算了对吧？


但想我这样不怎么厉害但还是为了那一点点的尊严活着的人，真的不想堕落到随随便便平平淡淡过一生。所以我到底要做什么？

今天一直下雨，一直很emo


明天又是星期一。。。

梦想

年纪越大

越觉得梦想离现实很远

Out of so many things, I choose to blog first!

So so so many things to do. Honestly, I am lost and scared and feeling really useless.

ACC1002X case project due mid-Nov. I am actually reading Nike financial report for 2012 and the only thing I know is that they earn a lot of money every year.

IT1005 project due week 13. This is going to be fun, at least I hope it will be. Still have no idea on what kind of 'animation' thing to do. I suck at programming, seriously.

Welfare Diary Cover Design Competition. We were supposed to look for sponsors for the prizes for the competition. Apparently, we have nothing now. So going back to last year's plan, Co-op voucher. We could have done better. :( still, we are coming out with proposal to ask for discounts from Co-op.
Then another big thing to do is to find sponsors for the diary itself and freshmen gift. I have totally no idea on how to approach the companies. And this makes me feel terribly useless! I am more like learning rather than working in the committee.

The most urgent one is the debate 选拔。I actually signed up to go for 德辩, quite crazy right? I am expecting myself to be eliminated during the selection, but it is just not right to go on that day and talk crap right? So I am really really going to put in my best to prepare the two topics, so that I won't have any reason to tell myself any kind of stupid things like 'you could have done better' at the end of the day.


Btw, introducing my new friend, a really cute Korean girl......

LEE JI WON

ok..that's all for now.

Jiayou for myself and for everyone! :)

Another post for today

This is an emo post.


It's disappointing because I actually trusted this friend a lot.

We have known each other for so many years and I really thought we were good friends. I just can't accept what he had done to me. Ok, it is not that he did something that harmed me. It is more like he did not help when he knew that he could. Haha, it's ok if you do not understand this.


For the past one or two weeks, I had been asking myself whether to find out the truth, and I didn't. I believed in his explanation and told myself that it was really because he couldn't help. But out of curiosity, a few minutes ago, I went to check and it turned out that he was actually lying. Sorry, I am not being a good friend as well, for not really trusting him...


So what is this? We are competing against each other here? Or it is like finally there was a chance to beat me so he did it?
I am fine, I am not angry. I am just sad and disappointed and suddenly feeling a little lonely here.


Got to get back to study! Bye!

Just some updates about my life

I realise when I am free, I don't blog, I write only when life is busy. Haha...


Yup, my life is really busy nowadays though I am also not very sure about what I am busy with. My timetable is quite slack as compared to the others and I do have a lot of time for myself. I am interested in anything other than those related to studies. I would go jogging, playing basketball, outing or doing any other random things in the world rather than sitting in front of my desk. And that's why, since 2 weeks ago, I am lagging behind in all the modules.
My result is bad. For IT1005 quiz 1, my score was 65 while the median was 66. It was my first test in uni, and it was so badly done. For the rest of the modules, I am actually hoping that the results will never come out. I am too afraid to face the reality.


Moving on to CCA. I am back to Chinese Debate. The Nus Chinese Debate Team has been so achieving and that makes me feel kinda pressured. Can I ever perform up to that standard? Still, this CCA is one of the few things that make my life a little bit more meaningful.

Then I am in the NUSSU Freshmen Welfare Committee, Marketing team. Marketing is something that I totally have no idea about so this is a really great learning opportunity. This is also why, I decided to join, though I actually applied to be a treasurer, and I was really lucky to be selected to join. But I think the marketing team is not very motivated. Maybe it is because we all have no idea about how things should be done. Anyway, the proposal for the diary cover design competition should be done by this week. Knowing that today is Thursday and we are still very lost in our proposal, actually woke me up this morning.

There is one more CCA called BP Mentoring. What we do is basically teaching primary school kids on Saturday. Most of them are really cute but I realise I can't really communicate with kids. Haha..I can't understand what they are talking about especially when they come and tell me some 'interesting' things in their life. It is time to call out the child in myself. (this sounds quite weird har...lol) anyway, hope everything will be fine for the coming session and hope everyone will be happy.


During the nights when I don't feel like doing any work, I jog around Nus, just to keep myself away from all the mess in life. Now I understand why zhuangwen liked jogging so much, and I have also started to love jogging (doing any kind of sports actually) now. :)
Uni is not bad right? At least I can choose to do what I like to do.
It is tiring, but this also reminds me that I am still alive.




Still looking for my goal in life!

还是朋友吗？

是应该松一口气的  

但怎么却觉得更难受  

一整晚睡不着觉

我没想到自己会那么在乎

很多年前就开始听到这个名字

那时  就只知道这是个很厉害的人

没想到  今天我们之间会发生这样的事

他是个多么优秀多么善良的人

我甚至觉得自己不值得拥有这样让他对我好的机会

一整天下来

感觉像是失去了什么

多么希望回到我们刚认识的时候

又回到这里了

从开学到现在，发生的事情很多。原本熟悉的人都不在了，又出现了很多原本完全陌生的人。
我记得一开始还算可以接受NUS这样一个环境，那是还没开学的时候，但现在已经开始感觉到强烈的痛苦了。不是想抱怨，只是又发现自己总是不喜欢面对考试要到了，要读书了这个现实。
重点还是，妆玟玉卿去了UK, Joping Xiaojun 在NTU。其实我一直都在努力适应这些人不在我身边的新加坡生活。说真的，很难适应，然后其实原来自己也不是很能面对那种‘突然间真的不知到下次见面是什么时候’这种情况。所以根本就不敢给YC,ZW打电话。不过当然，真的很希望她们都能好好享受自己的大学生活，偶尔回忆一下我们之前一起做的一些白痴无聊的事情就好。
然后，我又回到辩论的世界了。问我真的那么喜欢辩论吗，我不能给一个肯定的答案。但今天新生赛结束以后，我发现参与这个活动，才让我的大学生活比较有意义一点。可能是只要不是考试的东西我都会感兴趣，可能是我喜欢感受自己站在台上。
还有好多好多复杂的问题在这忙碌的生活中无意间出现，现在脑力有限，这些问题暂时就不去想了，想也解决不了。正在很努力地找着一个不关事，又了解情况的人。:)

其实还好，虽然每天都很累，但是有努力地活着的感觉。

Just some random thoughts

In one month time, I will be back to Singapore, this place where I had tried so hard to escape from since 4 years ago. For some unknown reasons, I am afraid of starting uni. It is definitely not because I am going to a foreign country, or I will be leaving my friends here and bla..I had been living there for four years, what is there to be afraid of?
It's disappointing having to accept the fact that I am going to NUS and not some other colleges in some far far away countries. There was a day when I lied on the sofa for one whole morning, and crying, and then I started applying for accommodation and student pass, looking for orientation camps to participate in, drafting a timetable in my head and trying to figure out when I am going to bring two huge luggages onto a train to Singapore. I am meeting some new people, learning new things, starting a new life and maybe becoming another me. Everything will be great.

I don't know what else to write and I still can't explain to you what I am afraid of. Everything will be great or at least, be fine. Here I come again, Singapore!

Last day at work

最后一天上班 很奇怪的感觉
不是难过 也应该不算不舍
工作的这四个月就这样结束
这段回忆挺美的

不至于熟悉到那种难舍难分的地步
但也庆幸自己曾遇过这么一群
也许自己这辈子都再也见不着的人 

遗憾来不及跟所有同事道别
好奇下星期会不会有人惊讶地问
芷欣辞职了?!
哈哈
也好奇为何今天有些该来的没来



 我要回去继续当个学生了! :)

Before Uni starts

想在上大学前完成的事：

1）去旅行，不管哪里，就是要拖着行李箱去的那种

2）去见见我很久没见的朱老师，还有她的皓皓

3）去逛没去过的pasar malam, 一整晚

4）见见即将要去UK 的ZW & YC

5）跟JP & XJ 去Universal Studio

我要上大学了！

虽然去的不是我最想去的地方

虽然我痛恨这样的结果

但是我相信我会让自己好好享受

就像四年前我也痛恨自己身在的环境

但四年后离开时

也有很多回忆

值得留恋

不知道是不是因为太久没上课

开始觉得生活太无聊

也让自己有了太多胡思乱想的时间

总觉得自己越来越不像原本的那样

根本搞不清楚自己在做些什么

从前为自己定下的原则竟然都没有了

一直觉得自己是个蛮理智的人

才知道  在一些事情面前

就算知道自己的做法很不理智

我也会说服自己说

不大胆尝试怎么知道结果如何

我是不是真的能够
不在乎天场地久
只在乎曾经拥有