Term 3 week 6

Every time when I feel like writing something
I will come here
then i will stone in front of this blank frame
that is why i am writing this nonsense now...

Finally the fund for welfare committee has been approved
but it also means that our job is getting tougher
it can be seen when all the 3 events we proposed were rejected
ok..i should not complain
if i can survive in this committee until next year
i think i will be able to work at any companies in the future

the happiest thing is that COGZ exco election speech day is over
we still have to wait wait and wait until i also don't know when to know the results
but there is no more workshops and no more SYF proposals for me to write...Yay!

still, there is another event
Mid-autumn festival celebration
it is usually organised by CLDDS
but there is a tradition in CLDDS which non-exco will take charge of this kind of event
so now i really do not know whether i should regret not running for cldds exco

for the whole week
i had just been doing all these
and i am now struggling to understand integration...

I want to go home.

我是个幸运的人

我经常会觉得 我是个很幸运的人
我应该不算是特别好的一个人
但在我生命中的每一个阶段
却总会有一些关心我 爱护我 想帮助我的人出现
有时是朋友 有时是老师 有时还会是我从没见过的陌生人

走到今天 我想我不是人群中最优秀的那一个
但这些人 即使我跟他们相处的日子似乎都不长
但这一段一段短短的日子
却让我一点一点地学会更成熟地看待事物
把社会看得更透彻一点
让我懂得多一点点

这几个星期我都在想
Welfare Committee Head
这听起来还不错的名字
对我到底会是件好事还是坏事

当资金还没批下来却必须开始搞活动的时候
当夹在老师与其它committee成员之间不是如何是好的时候
当被迫做一些自己不想做的事情的时候
我真的想过辞职
但有时候
被老师唠叨完以后
我竟然会觉得我需要谢谢这老师
这过程 确实是让我成长的重要机会
虽然有时还是会觉得有这种想法的自己有点变态
但我却又庆幸自己一次又一次的是那么的幸运

虽然我现在考试考不好
作业写不完
感觉前途有点迷茫
但总有一天
我要好好谢谢这群曾经给过我那么多的人


今天是个好日子

E for Econs

I always told myself not to feel sad for getting not very good results

so that I could sleep well at night

I had really good sleep for the past two weeks

so I thought I could accept myself being a not very smart student

today, during econs lesson

Mr Hussain gave out worksheets to the two H3 research students

Then I was the 3^rd one who received the worksheet

He didn’t say anything like ‘You are weak so you have to do this’

But I just feel lousy

The H3 students have to do the worksheet because they did not take the common test and it is for them to practise

But I took the common test

He told Benardette and Daniel Chia who topped the class for this test not to do this worksheet as it is wasting their time

It just means that I am the extremely opposite of them

Because I got an E for econs

Of course I know E is a lousy grade

But the feeling is really bad when someone tells you that you are lousy

I am not blaming Mr Hussain for making me feel bad

He is a good teacher

I could understand almost everything he said for the past few tutorials

I just want to say that I didn’t feel good

And I know I am not good

so I will do the worksheet

从好久以前到今天

这个月事情有点多

每次想写 却又不知从何写起

今天

就从六月份的事情写起

（1）竞选古筝执委 还是华会执委？

华会比较器重我  但这两年就只在华会演演戏没什么意义

当上古筝执委机会不太大 但我不希望学了这乐器一半就放弃

填了两个学会的竞选表格  交了

还在同一天的一个小时内 去了两方的面试

也不知道当时自己是凭着什么会有勇气竞选两个演艺团体的执委的

蛮满佩服作这决定时的自己的

但我又退缩了

我害怕竞选两个执委所将遭来的闲言闲语

我害怕自己没有那么大的能力去同时应付两个SYF

我害怕以后必须在两者间做出选择

所以最后我选择了古筝

直到今天 我偶尔还是会恨最后那个懦弱的自己

尤其是华会负责老师打电话向我确认原因的时候

我很坚决地告诉主席我不选了

且当时我非常确定自己的决定没错

这个温老师

她让我觉得自己错了

我听见她的失望

我觉得我又再次让对我有期望的人失望了

温老师

可以说是我升上初院以后遇见的 唯一一个 疼我的老师

想到她 我会至少觉得有点安慰

那通电话之后 

我清楚 我失去她了

我依然选择古筝

她让我参加演讲比赛 我以古筝的名义拒绝了

回到古筝吧

这竞选的过程简直就是一马拉松

就选个执委 竟然拖了三个月 

明天原本是候选人发表各自竞选演讲的日子

但又延期了

延至什么时候 没人知道

希望这竞选一切顺利

否则对华会的人来说 这中途为了古筝退出的我将是一大笑话

就一件事 竟让我写得那么长。。。

（2）我的第一次考试

我班确实有点变态

物理化学经济全级最佳都在我班

原可以欣然接受自己那还可以的成绩

但活在这群人身边

让我觉得自卑

也无奈

（3）Welfare Committee

直到今天 我还是不知道老师是怎么会选上我当这committee 的 head 的

说我虚荣也好 贪权也可以

我没有拒绝

就跟我自己不明白老师为何会选我的想法一样

有些人 或是说我在意的人

似乎认为这是我向老师争取的职位

我唯一澄清的办法 就是写“just to clarify"那篇

当然 这所谓的head 很不好当

负责老师有点难缠

什么都要跟着规则走

还得空就跟我说”i don't want problems, i want solutions"

对他无语

现在 我每个礼拜都在找正版DVD for 不知为何一开始要办的Movie Night

我就借多一个月

还是没钱让我去租 我 就 不 干！

（4）这件事让我有点很难受

我觉得我对朋友的期望不高 甚至没什么期望

也许我一直都不相信或是找不到理由要朋友全心全意对自己好

或是任何时候为自己不顾一切

所以当朋友对我有着较高的期望

我似乎没有办法达到

我经常觉得自己在这种事情上没有错

该做的事情 我自认我都做了

这一刻 我还是觉得自己没错 但我知道不够好

没有好到达到期望

原谅我 

如果在你需要帮助的时候 我没有出现

如果即使是个书包或是文件夹 我都没帮你拿过

如果在你生气难过的时候 我竟然不知道怎么安慰你

如果我们有意见冲突的时候 我没有退让

我没有办法确保你一切顺利 因为我自己都照顾不好自己

我不知道怎么接下去写了

只是觉得 我不是一个好朋友

Take good care of yourself, please..

Just to clarify

All of you think that I went to apply to be this Welfare Committee people? I DIDN’T. I didn’t even know there is such thing in the boarding school. I just suddenly received a message from Ms Chan after my physics paper saying ‘Congratulation! You have been selected as a boarding leader….’ I also wish to know what exactly was happening. No wonder none of you asked me how I got into the committee or things like that. Erm…I just feel a bit disappointed when I found out how all of you think about me form Huei Ling. What makes you think that I am that kind of person who will go and get a position for myself secretly without telling anyone? Maybe I am just not good enough, I guess.

The first Movie Night: The movie would start at 2000. At 1900, we found that the air con in the seminar room was not working and we (most of the time, the teachers) were like rushing everywhere to find out the cause and to seek for help. Fortunately, the security guard successfully helped us to fix to problem at around 1945.

Then, I did something that I had never done in my whole life. I went room by room asking everyone if they would like to watch the movie. I think I looked really pathetic. But I am fine. At least I learnt something. Thank you Zhuang Wen and Huei Ling for coming! I feel a bit sorry because the movie wasn’t as nice as expected. But really, thank you for being so supportiveJ

There were around 20~30 people who went for the movie screening. It’s still far far away from my target, but it is just the beginning. I hope things will get better. Jia you! 

I have no shame

I said I wanted to write things that happen in my life on my blog.

Then i saw this quite famous Russian guy say that "only those despicable and ego people would shamelessly write things about themselves."

Oops...

乱七八糟

19/06/10 11.30pm

上床睡觉前，把闹钟调好让自己于隔天4.00am 起床，但却无法让自己睡着

之后竟然开始分析自己应不应该在四点钟起床搭火车回新

我给自己找到了不回去的理由：

提早一星期回宿舍的目的 是让自己准备开学后的考试

但我把所有的笔记作业都带回家了 我可以在家准备

所以 一点四十分

我起身 从收拾好的行李中找出那火车票

检查背后注明的换票规定

结果竟让我看见

‘Changes on travel date and/or time of departure and/or class is allowed once and subject to the following conditions;

Changes are made more than 24 hours before time of departure…’

也就是说，我不能火车出发前的三小时换票啦

但我可以买新的一张票

看着那写着RM27的车票

我就告诉自己 我的意愿 应该远比那RM27来得重要吧

就算我现在走进房间 跟妈说我想迟几天回去

她应该不会反对我为此多付RM27

她应该会说我神经病 但她应该不会介意请我吃多几天的早餐

弟一定会骂我痴线 但他应该也不会介意有个人跟他抢多几次沙发

爸也许会以为是我良心发现决定留下陪他过父亲节

所以虽然这样的决定有点白痴 但不会造成什么大问题的

但后来 理智的我却告诉自己我不会在家好好温习

所以我做了个在这种情况下很多人应该都会做的事

让天决定吧

我找了张纸 撕成两半

一半写了回去 一半不回

抽了一张

天告诉我我应该回去

对这个结果不是很满意

所以我给自己第二次机会

但那天还是叫我回去

所以我现在在这里了

每次搭火车来回家里及新加坡

都有种穿越时空的感觉

有时会觉得自己像是活在两个世界的人

每次放假之后

都会有一段情绪不稳定期

新年回家两三天后 在回新的路上

一定会很恨很恨新加坡政府

然后觉得我离开循中前忘了哪个老师说的“新加坡是个文化沙漠”这句话很没错

两年前 假期结束回到宿舍

都会有很强烈的 不要留在新加坡的念头

尤其是在六月假期后

去年六月 虽然还是不甘不愿地回到宿舍

但我坚信 熬过那半年 我就可以享受美好的JC生活

所以我好好地过完了那半年

现在 我做梦都期待的JC生活来了

但我却发现自己又开始像两年前那样为毕业倒数了

其实 我不是害怕上课

我是害怕自己难受

就像我不是害怕死亡

而是害怕死亡前那一刻的痛苦

所以当一学段剩下五星期

我会告诉自己还有四星期

因为我确定最后一个星期会过得很开心

其实我不介意当个没用的人

当个月入两三千的人

因为不管我变成谁

50年以后我还是一样会是个老太婆

而我相信我的后代不会去记得我的PW有没有得A

这篇乱七八糟的东西

看了就算了吧

我希望我可以尽快走到十年后

走到那个没有人会计较你在十七岁之前做了些什么的时候

那我就可以在这里

写写在幼稚园里惹出的笑话

写写跟小学同学一起闯祸的时候

写写我怎么在补习的一个小时半偷懒十五分钟

写写我初中一晚上睡不着会想起的那个人

写写我曾经很恨的老师

写写我曾经有过的志愿

写写我的初恋

写写我很珍惜但又不敢说的朋友

写写我怎么不做功课又逃过处罚

写写我曾经暗恋的那个同学

写写一些大家不在乎但却把我变成我的故事



那么二十年以后

我就还可以记得这些傻傻的事

所以当我孩子做错事时

我就可以找到理由   不生气他

You don't know what to write

You do weird things when you hate your mother, father, brothers and sister and anyone who makes you think of them

you want to talk to them to try to know what they are thinking and you don't want to talk to them

you go out bringing a bike with you but you push it instead of riding it

you sit on a bench at a park staring at an Indian man sweeping the leaves or grass for half an hour

you smile at a dog when it barks at you

you fill a Bundaberg bottle with cold water and drink it

you go on facebook to see everyone's picture and their friends' profiles

you stand in front of a mirror to see how you look like when you laugh, when you smile, when you frown and
when you stone

you google your own name to see who you are in the world

you try to say something to your primary school friends

you talk to someone who you have never been talking to for months and tell her that you miss her although
you don't

you lie on the bed and think whether your father, mother, brothers and sister will be something better if you
die now

you don't know what can make yourself die so you think it is easier to stay alive

you write stupid things on your blog but don't feel like deleting them

then you go to sleep....

I DON'T WANT TO DO GPP

I DON'T WANT TO GO FOR EXCO INTERVIEWS

I DON'T WANT TO PREPARE SPEECHES

I DON'T WANT TO FILL IN WHATEVER FORMS

I DON'T WANT TO GO FOR MATHS LECTURE

I DON'T WANT TO STUDY FOR THERMOPHYSICS QUIZ

I DON'T WANT TO DO ALL THE TUTORIALS

I DON'T WANT TO FIND A NEWSPAPER ARTICLE FOR ECONS

I DON'T WANT TO STUDY DURING THE HOLIDAYS

I DON'T WANT TO CLEAR MY TABLE

I DON'T WANT TO SLEEP

I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO ANYONE




I HATE YOU BIRD SHIT!!!



I am going to play pacman at http://www.google.com/pacman/

Slept at 0330 and woke up at 0800

I hope i won't fall asleep in class tomorrow.

ok....i just don't know how to take photos....

actually the view is quite nice especially when there is nobody around



GOOD MORNING....
but i think i am going back to sleep now....

Picnic 10-05-2010

Went for a picnic at East Coast Park with Madeline, Daniel, jie xiang, weng kin and chee chung on Monday and we watched sunrise!!! The real sunrise was actually very different from the one above.

Then, we went cycling!!!!!

                                  The Blue Team

                                The Red Team

And...we are The BIGGEST LOSERS....

In fact, I think we all didn’t lose but gain weight after eating what we had prepared the previous night.

After the preparation of the food, I had drawn a conclusion:

EVERYONE IS USEFUL

Some people may not know how to throw things at a correct angle but they are good at cutting garlic.

Some people may not know how to use a microwave but they can estimate and throw things from an accurate angle.

Some people may not know how to lift up the cover of a dustbin but they are good at mashing potatoes.

Some people may not be very good at cycling but they can fry nuggets using microwave.

Some people may not know how to fry an egg but they can drink water and cycle at the same time.

I am just trying to say that I AM USEFUL although I can’t fry an egg.

This post is a bit lame but I must say that this weekend was my best weekend in NJ so far. :)

I really didn't expect the Chinese Drama Night （叶串之声）to be so successful.
We had more than 100 errors during the last rehearsal
and i was expecting a lot of major problems with the props and lighting or actors forgetting their lines during the actual performance

in the end
i can say that the props and lighting were perfect
and the comments from the audience were "nice acting!", "you all did a great job!", "it's so much better that what i expected!"...
and Ms Woon said, "不知道大家今天怎么都那么入戏"
there are even people who commented that it's even better than HC's Huang Cheng and VJ's Hai Cheng

it was my first time acting on a stage
i thought i would be the one who spoil the whole performance
as most of the others who were playing the main roles were experienced performers
but after all, what i received from people, even from those who are not closed to me, was "芷欣，你演得好好哦！"
as a limping maid in the play, i was glad that i had started limping even 45 minutes before the performance
especially when Yi Le, my OGL during HCIBS orientation, who i had never been talking to for 2 years, came to me and said that "芷欣，你好好哦！真的很厉害！”

sorry for being so extremely proud of myself
but you feel great when you receive recognitions of your abilities

i am sure jiexiang would understand this
it was his first time controlling the lightings
and he had made it perfect!!!
thanks a lot..

i think the ones who deserve most acknowledgements were those helping out at the backstage
those who had spent so much of their time making the props
and giving out their best in moving those gigantic props up and down the stage
and yibuo who was helping us to make up
most of them are not from Chinese Drama
some are not even from CLDDS
but they came and did their best without expecting anything
Ye Chuan would not be a success without them

thanks yeeching, xiaojun, joping and lisin for coming and supporting
i hope the balloon and flowers will be able to survive in my room.. haha:)
and lizhu for treating hot fudge sundae though i couldn't finish it

thank you yanzhao for giving me this role
PA(jiexiang, donglam and two people that i don't know their names)
Ms Woon for telling me on wednesday that i didn't look like i was acting during the rehearsal
zhuang wen and madeline for giving me apples for me to learn to peel them
sijin for providing me all the water she had
zhang yue for helping me to memorize my lines
heru for telling me to relax before the performance
my directors (jingwen and zhuhe)
and everyone who had been supporting and encouraging throughout the preparation until the end of the performance

30/4/2010 - a day that i will remember for the rest of my life